I have to snap out of this!

He threw me away, I have to accept it and move on. Why can't I numb this deep aching inside of me? I'll live, I know this. So why can't I let go of my love for him? The love he took from me and then discarded when it no longer fit his needs. Why do I continue to hang on to it? It used to fill me with hope, passion, and joy. Now it only leaves  me empty, lost,  and doubled over in pain. I read his love letters over and over. Trying to understand what happened to the man who said he wanted to grow old with me, I was his soulmate. He said he knew he had loved me in another life and promised to love me for the rest of this life and the next. Why did I believe in a love that strong? If it truely existed, why was I not worthy of it? Why am I destined to be alone and unloved? I look ahead, and only see darkness. Was there ever light there? Or did I only want it so bad that imagined it.